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Greyghoose
Gossip - Shhhhhh.
12th
October 2008
Sid
asked Sheridan where his
man utd shirt was and
she told him she had washed
it and had hung it on
the washing line to dry,
Sid said he couldn't see
it so Seridan went out
to see and shouted to
Sid that it was on the
floor and some sod had
nicked her pegs!
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Mick
and Dave were taking an
important exam. The Question
was "fill
in the blank "Old
MacDonald had a_____." Mick
was stumped, he had no
idea what to answer, but
he knew he needed to get
this one right to be sure
he passed. Making sure
the professor wasn't watching,
he tapped Dave on the
shoulder. "Dave,
what's the answer to the
last question?" Dave
laughed, then looked around
to make sure the professor
hadn't noticed. He turned
to Mick and said, "Mick,
you're so stupid. Everyone
knows that Old MacDonald
had a FARM." "Oh
yeah," said
Mick, "I
remember now." he
picked up his No. 2 pencil
and started to write the
answer in the blank. Then
he stopped, Tapping Dave
on the shoulder, he whispered, "Dave,
how do you spell farm?" "You
are really dumb, Mick.
that's so easy," hissed
Dave, "farm
is spelled ‘E-I-E-I-O'."
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
An
Englishman, a Scotsman,
and an Irishman are wandering
through the desert, hungry
and hallucinating, when
they come upon a rotting,
dead camel. "Well," said
the Englishman, "I
support the Liverpool
football club, so I'll
eat the liver." "I
support the Hearts club," said
the Scotsman, "so
I'll eat the heart." "I
support Arsenal," said
the Irishman, "but
I seem to have lost my
appetite."
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Two
guys are golfing on a
course that is right
next to a cemetery. After
they tee off, one of
the golfers notices that
there is a funeral procession
passing by. So he takes
off his hat, and places
it over his heart. When
the funeral is over,
the other golfer looks
at the guy and asks, "Why
did you do that?" The
man replies, "Well
we were maried for almost
40 years. It's the least
I could do."
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
This
guy staggers into
a bar and shouts, "A
double whisky please barman,
and a drink for everyone
here… and
while you're at it, have
one yourself." "Well
thank you sir," says
the barman and proceeds
to pour everyone their
drinks. Moments later
the guy shouts, "Another
whisky for me, and the
same again for everyone
else." The
bartender looks a little
worried now and says, "Excuse
me sir, but don't you
think you should pay me
for that last round first?" The
guy slurs, "I
can't. I don't have any
money." With
this the bartender flies
into a rage and literally
throws the guy out of
the bar. About twenty
minutes later though the
guy staggers back in and
shouts out, "A
double whisky for me,
and a drink for all my
friends." "I
suppose you'll be offering
me a drink too?" the
barman asks, marvelling
at the guy's nerve. "Not
likely," slurs
the guy, "you
get nasty when you've
had a drink!"
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
A
drunk walks into a bar
and, after staring for
some time at the only
woman seated at the bar,
walks over to her and
kisses her. She jumps
up and slaps him hard.
He immediately apologises
and explaines, "I'm
sorry. I thought you were
my wife. You look exactly
like her." "Why
you worthless, insufferable,
wretched, no good drunk!" she
screames. "Funny," he
mutteres, "you
sound exactly like her
also." 23rd
February 2008 A
blonde takes her car
to the garage and tells
the mechanic that the
car keeps stalling, he
tells her to call back
later for it. When she
goes back for it he tells
her its fixed was just
shit in the carburettor,
she said how often do
I do that.
A
blonde
was swerving all over
the road and driving
very badly, so she got
pulled over by a cop.
The cop walked up to
her window and asked, "Miss,
why are you driving so
recklessly?" The
blonde said, "I'm
sorry sir, but wherever
I go, there's always
a tree in front of
me and I can't seem
to get away from it!" The
cop looked at her and
said, "Lady,
that's your air freshener!"
It's
Saturday morning
and Bob's just about
to set off on a round
of golf, when he realizes
that he forgot
to tell his wife
that
the guy who fixes
the washing machine
is coming around at noon.
So Bob heads
back to the clubhouse
and phones home. "Hello?" says
a little girl's
voice. "Hi,
honey, it's Daddy," says
Bob. "Is
Mommy near the
phone?" "No,
Daddy. She's
upstairs
in the bedroom
with Uncle Frank." After
a brief pause,
Bob says, "But
you haven't
got an Uncle
Frank, honey!" "Yes,
I do, and
he's
upstairs in
the bedroom
with Mommy!" "Okay,
then. Here's
what I want
you do. Put
down the
phone,
run upstairs
and knock
on the bedroom
door and
shout
in to Mommy
and
Uncle Frank
that my car's
just pulled
up outside
the
house." "Okay,
Daddy!" A
few minutes
later,
the little
girl
comes back
to the
phone. "Well,
I did what
you said,
Daddy." "And
what happened?" "Well,
Mommy
jumped
out of
bed with
no clothes
on and
ran around
screaming,
then
she tripped
over
the rug
and went
out the
front
window
and now
she's
all dead." "Oh,
my God!
What
about
Uncle
Frank?" "He
jumped
out
of
bed
with
no
clothes
on
too,
and
he
was
all
scared
and
he
jumped
out
the
back
window
into
the
swimming
pool.
But
he
must
have
forgot
that
last
week
you
took
out
all
the
water
to
clean
it,
so
he
hit
the
bottom
of
the
swimming
pool
and
now
he's
dead
too." There
is
a
long
pause. "Swimming
pool?
Is
this
854-7039?"
17th
December 2006
Stop
bragging Charlie, we
know, we know !
By
eck theres some "inches"
there!!!!!
BREAKING
NEWS: Machine found
to move Trents Wallet!
On
christmas eve there was
a knock on the door and
when i answered it a snail
was singing ' we wish
you a merry christmas'
so i kicked it down the
path. 12 months lata and
another knock on the door,
when i answered it a snail
said ' what did you do
that for'
30th
November 2006
Awsome
Bazza meets his idol!
13th
November 2006: Rumour
has it Bazza big off
load "The Guns" has
acquired a new roommate,
his new roommate is
our very own Gimp,
or how all us who
know
him affectionately
call him "the rebound
shag guy". Armed with
a bottle of wine and
a shoulder to cry
on gimp
is as much part of
a girls breakup
routine as chocolate,
comfy pyjamas,
losing
8 pounds in weight
and watching all
the
Bridgette Jones films
back to back...twice.
Also
this week our rampaging
prop Trent Ashton has
developed a taste for
a new ale called "downwindurine",
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