Greyghoose Gossip - Shhhhhh.

7th April 2009

Gimp was dancing with a rather haughty partner who was getting
increasingly annoyed at his clumsiness. After stepping on her toes for the
third time, he said apologetically, 'Do forgive me. I'm a little stiff
from rugby.' 'I don't give a damn where you come from,' she replied. 'This
is the last time I'm dancing with you!'

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During one rugby match, the referee found himself constantly being
barracked by Diddy. When Diddy shouted, 'Oi, ref- that was a foul! Are you
blind or something!' the referee strode over to him and said, 'What did
you say just then?' 'Blimey!' said Diddy, 'he's not only blind - he's deaf
as well!'

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Halifax Irish were throwing a big party one Saturday night at the
clubhouse, and all the players and officials were there with their wives
and girlfriends. Emmo turned up late and found a boisterous game in full
swing.

'Come on, Emmo,' urged the team captain. 'This is fun! We've blindfolded
all the girls and now they're trying to identify the men by feeling their
private parts!'

'Disgusting!' said Emmo, 'I'm not taking part in a game like that!'
'You might as well,' said the skipper. 'Your name's been guessed three
times already!'

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A traffic policeman stopped Sid and asked him to blow into the bag. Sid
promptly handed him a card which said: ASTHMATIC: DON'T TAKE BREATH
SAMPLES.

The policeman said in that case, he would take a blood sample, whereupon
Sid handed over another card which read: HAEMOPHILIAC: DON'T TAKE BLOOD
SAMPLES.

By this time the policeman was getting somewhat annoyed, so he demanded a
urine sample. Sid produced a third card which read: BOOTHTOWN TERRIERS
RLFC SUPPORTERS CLUB: DON'T TAKE THE PISS.

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Dave Love was having sex with a bird on the river bank. When they had
finished, she said, 'Dave, darling, if anything goes wrong and we have a
baby boy, what shall we call him?' Dave tied a knot in the condom, threw
it into the river, and said, 'If he gets out of that, we'll call him
Houdini!'

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The manager of Boothtown Terriers took his team on an African safari
holiday, and while there, he came across a native athlete who could run,
kick, pass, and juggle a coconut like a born rugby player.

Excitedly, the manager called a meeting of all the players and introduced
the young athlete to them. 'This fellow's brilliant!' he said, 'and I've
persuaded him to join the team, on six months' trial. His name is Obongo
Matabulu. Now then,' he continued, holding up a rugby ball, 'this - ball
-BALL!'Then, pointing at the goalposts, he said, 'That-goal - GOAL! That -
goal line - GOAL LINE! You put BALL over GOAL LINE: or kick BALL over
CROSSBAR.'

'You don't need to explain the game in those simple and rather patronising
terms, old boy,' said Obongo Matabulu. 'I played for Harrow when I went to
school there, and later for the Cambridge University.'
'I'm not talking to you,' said the manager. 'I'm talking to the rest of
the team!'

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Charlie, well-known for his lack of respect towards referees, went up to
one official and asked, 'What would you do if I called you a stupid
bastard?'
'What!' said the referee. 'Why I'd book you and send you off, of course!'
'Well, what would you do if I only thought you were a stupid bastard?'
'Well,' said the referee doubtfully, 'if you only thought it, there's not
a lot I could do.'
'In that case,' said Charlie, 'I think you're a stupid bastard!'

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12th October 2008

Sid asked Sheridan where his man utd shirt was and she told him she had washed it and had hung it on the washing line to dry, Sid said he couldn't see it so Seridan went out to see and shouted to Sid that it was on the floor and some sod had nicked her pegs!

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Mick and Dave were taking an important exam. The Question was "fill in the blank "Old MacDonald had a_____." Mick was stumped, he had no idea what to answer, but he knew he needed to get this one right to be sure he passed. Making sure the professor wasn't watching, he tapped Dave on the shoulder. "Dave, what's the answer to the last question?" Dave laughed, then looked around to make sure the professor hadn't noticed. He turned to Mick and said, "Mick, you're so stupid. Everyone knows that Old MacDonald had a FARM." "Oh yeah," said Mick, "I remember now." he picked up his No. 2 pencil and started to write the answer in the blank. Then he stopped, Tapping Dave on the shoulder, he whispered, "Dave, how do you spell farm?" "You are really dumb, Mick. that's so easy," hissed Dave, "farm is spelled ‘E-I-E-I-O'."

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An Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman are wandering through the desert, hungry and hallucinating, when they come upon a rotting, dead camel. "Well," said the Englishman, "I support the Liverpool football club, so I'll eat the liver." "I support the Hearts club," said the Scotsman, "so I'll eat the heart." "I support Arsenal," said the Irishman, "but I seem to have lost my appetite."

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Two guys are golfing on a course that is right next to a cemetery. After they tee off, one of the golfers notices that there is a funeral procession passing by. So he takes off his hat, and places it over his heart. When the funeral is over, the other golfer looks at the guy and asks, "Why did you do that?" The man replies, "Well we were maried for almost 40 years. It's the least I could do."

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This guy staggers into a bar and shouts, "A double whisky please barman, and a drink for everyone here… and while you're at it, have one yourself." "Well thank you sir," says the barman and proceeds to pour everyone their drinks. Moments later the guy shouts, "Another whisky for me, and the same again for everyone else." The bartender looks a little worried now and says, "Excuse me sir, but don't you think you should pay me for that last round first?" The guy slurs, "I can't. I don't have any money." With this the bartender flies into a rage and literally throws the guy out of the bar. About twenty minutes later though the guy staggers back in and shouts out, "A double whisky for me, and a drink for all my friends." "I suppose you'll be offering me a drink too?" the barman asks, marvelling at the guy's nerve. "Not likely," slurs the guy, "you get nasty when you've had a drink!"

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A drunk walks into a bar and, after staring for some time at the only woman seated at the bar, walks over to her and kisses her. She jumps up and slaps him hard. He immediately apologises and explaines, "I'm sorry. I thought you were my wife. You look exactly like her." "Why you worthless, insufferable, wretched, no good drunk!" she screames. "Funny," he mutteres, "you sound exactly like her also."

23rd February 2008

A blonde takes her car to the garage and tells the mechanic that the car keeps stalling, he tells her to call back later for it. When she goes back for it he tells her its fixed was just shit in the carburettor, she said how often do I do that.

A blonde was swerving all over the road and driving very badly, so she got pulled over by a cop. The cop walked up to her window and asked, "Miss, why are you driving so recklessly?" The blonde said, "I'm sorry sir, but wherever I go, there's always a tree in front of me and I can't seem to get away from it!" The cop looked at her and said, "Lady, that's your air freshener!"

It's Saturday morning and Bob's just about to set off on a round of golf, when he realizes that he forgot to tell his wife that the guy who fixes the washing machine is coming around at noon. So Bob heads back to the clubhouse and phones home. "Hello?" says a little girl's voice. "Hi, honey, it's Daddy," says Bob. "Is Mommy near the phone?" "No, Daddy. She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Frank." After a brief pause, Bob says, "But you haven't got an Uncle Frank, honey!" "Yes, I do, and he's upstairs in the bedroom with Mommy!" "Okay, then. Here's what I want you do. Put down the phone, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door and shout in to Mommy and Uncle Frank that my car's just pulled up outside the house." "Okay, Daddy!" A few minutes later, the little girl comes back to the phone. "Well, I did what you said, Daddy." "And what happened?" "Well, Mommy jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming, then she tripped over the rug and went out the front window and now she's all dead." "Oh, my God! What about Uncle Frank?" "He jumped out of bed with no clothes on too, and he was all scared and he jumped out the back window into the swimming pool. But he must have forgot that last week you took out all the water to clean it, so he hit the bottom of the swimming pool and now he's dead too." There is a long pause. "Swimming pool? Is this 854-7039?"

17th December 2006

Stop bragging Charlie, we know, we know !

By eck theres some "inches" there!!!!!

BREAKING NEWS: Machine found to move Trents Wallet!

On christmas eve there was a knock on the door and when i answered it a snail was singing ' we wish you a merry christmas' so i kicked it down the path. 12 months lata and another knock on the door, when i answered it a snail said ' what did you do that for'

30th November 2006

Awsome Bazza meets his idol!

13th November 2006: Rumour has it Bazza big off load "The Guns" has acquired a new roommate, his new roommate is our very own Gimp, or how all us who know him affectionately call him "the rebound shag guy". Armed with a bottle of wine and a shoulder to cry on gimp is as much part of a girls breakup routine as chocolate, comfy pyjamas, losing 8 pounds in weight and watching all the Bridgette Jones films back to back...twice.

Also this week our rampaging prop Trent Ashton has developed a taste for a new ale called "downwindurine", fond of an ale or two Trent found this to be a bit sour and not an ideal tipple for a Saturday evening.

Talk on the terraces at the club (or the changing rooms more so) is that Shakey " lend me a tenner" flowing locks is on the comeback, he was gonna come training last week but nobody would lend him 30p for the bus fare. His rugby CV is mighty impressive no with stints at Wigan, Gold Coast, Manly and he helped coach the aussie national team too. Boothtown are in negotiations with Shakey to see if we can lure (afford) him back at the club. This is proving hard as Shakey is being scouted by the UK goverment to come up with a solution to third world debt, time travel, splitting the atom and why bread lands butterside down.

And to finish, rumour has it Ian "im so funny" Jackson used the old take it from the wembley weekend trip kitty joke last week again for the 238th time this month, I had a camera to hand and I captured the recation to Ians joke, see below.

22nd August 2006: As predicted here by Greyghoose it's just been announced Halifax RLFC need to find £86,000 within 3 weeks or face going into liquidation. Stay tuned for more gossip in the world of local rugby both amateur and professional.

21st August 2006: Rumours flying around about the professional club Halifax RLFC is that all is not well and an announcement this week will not be as usual good news, we will see. All is not well at the towns professional club and seems it's only going to get worse. What went wrong so fast! And if any courier reporters are reading, get your own stories and stop copying others.